Parents Free Time!?

Today I was thinking about free time. My kids are gone for the weekend, my husband took them to my mother in laws for a day or two. So be the first time in a few weeks completely to my self. Hmm…. What to do?.. What to do? I normally work from 730-430 sometimes I have to get up as early as 430am and stay till 9pm then I come home play with the kids until they go to bed, normally around 1130-3am (kids oldest is only 3) . With that going on not much gets done around or out of the house. Some weekends my mother-in-law will take one or all three of my kids for the weekend. I love this. It really helps us out. We can finally deep clean. Two weeks work of clothes washed dishes done, all trash and toys pick up. I love it. Normally every day we pick up the living room and kids room every day but like five seconds later it a bigger mess to start with. So fun, right!? Today was different, I was completely alone, just me, myself and I. So I cleaned. Best use of my free time. Everything was done in about an hour. Then… I have no idea what to do with myself. I honestly wished my kids were back home. No toddlers was yelling at me, kissing me, getting into things, no owies to kiss, nothing. I was really missing the chaos. Am I the only one? Even on date night after about an hour or so I just want to go home. I know that really bad, but my husband thinks it’s adorable. My husband is just as lost as I am. He is a stay at home dad so when I’m at work and the kids are gone, it’s just him until I get home. He uses that time to sleep and play video game. He tell me that he is lonely most of time. The time away from the kids is great for our marriage. We recently quit smoking so when the stress is there it’s THERE. Sometime we take it out on each other. Sometimes we over react to what the kids did and yell at them when it was uncalled for. It makes us feel guilty. We always fix is though. We talk to each other, we apologize, and everything is ok. Every time though as soon as my tiny stress makers leave I get a little depressed. Will this pass as they get older? Is this normal?

My irrational fears. (Possible trigger)

So I feel a little over worried after I started working after I became a mom. Randomly I have these though that how bad thing will happen. For example: “what if I come home and there has been a robbery” or “if the kids go out side for like two seconds will they get kidnapped” or “if I look out for the twins with my oldest walk off somewhere“ “if I die with my husband we ok enough to take care of the family” It goes on and on with tons of different scenarios. It started when I was the one working and my husband was the one home. You would think I feel they be safer at home with there dad but I don’t. Don’t get me wrong, he is a great father and I know he would do anything in his power and then some to keep them safe. The feeling is there. I even feel the same about putting them in school, worried that the teachers for bad or the other kids bulling my tiny people. I blame all this one being a mother that is away for uncertain amount of hours a day and way too much tv. The first year after the kids were born my husband and I where terrified of sids (sudden infant death syndrome) after that had pass I was totally fine till I started working. All I ever heard the the joy and beauty of being a parent but no one said anything about the fears that come with it, but you know what? I would change it for the world. I learned that these things are completely normal as a parent and never really goes away even they our kids are adults. I deal with these strange thoughts but talking to my husband and see how his day is going, and lucky for me my kids are a little to young to go to school I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

What are some of you fears that you feel is a little over the top? How do you manage it?

MY first Post!!!

HI!!! let me just say thank you for reading I hope you enjoy this, also hope I get better at this. Somethings (a lot) about me: my name is Alex. I married my first and only true love. We met when we were just twelve years old and feel in love I instantly. Lucky for me he felt it too. we started to date for all of three days. day one f us being together was the same day we met. yes I know, “who dates some one they only met that day?” well I did. He moved away and I haven’t see or heard from him for three years! I was heart broken. Fist day of high school, as you may know the most stressful day to any teen, there he was. Walked in my forth period class and “BAM!” THE fist love staring right at me. As if by design, he still loved me. we talked about our life and our dreams, you know actually getting to know each other, we realized that we were meant to be.

When we turned 18 we got married. A little after a year of marriage I found out I was pregnant. At first we were so happy and excited, that was short lived, we started to become scared. at the time we just moved in a garage that was make into a studio like place. My husband was working at as an unloaded for a super store only making ten dollars an hour. As our tiny human grew we started having problems with the place were living at, they would not fix thing around the house even though they promised they would and they would be so strict with the rules and with payment, it became too much for use to handle. so moved back in with my parents. As I came close to my due date it was stressful. still only making ten dollars an hour me on bed rest and having to get things for the baby just ate us up.

December comes around and our baby girl was born via c- section. Let me tell you I was absolutely fearful. I have never had a surgery before, the closest I came to one was when I needed three small stiches. We heard that sound and you world just stops. That beautiful sound. The second I see her I know what unconditional love at first sight truly, TRULY was. We are happy beyond happy.

Jump for 3 months later. my husband and I made the more difficult choice of going to get our CDL, that mean we would have to leave our 3 moth old to go to school in another state. It was hard, but with little money it was what we needed to do. So we left. I tell you, we hated every moment of it we video chat our daughter every chance we got. She was healthy and happy, she was growing almost every day.

Shortly after we started working over the road trucking, hurricane Harvey hit. we live in south Texas so we went home. Due to issues with the company we worked for we quit. I also found out I was pregnant at this time. For 3 months my husband struggled to find a job. finally we found a job driving semis locally. The was really good. After a few months working at the new job. we had enough to move in an really nice apartment.

Six months later I had our twins girls . Yes I mean twins and yes more girls. ill get into more about at that experience another time. Ting were going well (sorta) for us but after a few months my husband had quit his well paying job. we get to that a little later as well.

Now he is a Stat-at-home dad and I have a 40 or more hours driving job. Let me tell you, some days it really sucks. I want to talk about the joy, beauty, the stress, the very ugly of being a parent. these are just my and my husband experiences, might include some stories from friends and family experiences of their parenting life. this is real life so not everything is going to be perfect. might be talk of depression and how that effect what we do and how we deal with certain things. Again everything will be posted is just based on experiences.

Thank you for reading. –stressed out mommy

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